One of the most important aspects on the journey to healing your sexuality is learning to listen to your yoni (Sanskrit word for vagina meaning sacred portal). Sometimes, even when we consciously want to experience vaginal penetration, our yonis will say, "Wait! I'm not ready yet!" Even though this can be frustrating, it's important we listen to our bodies and only enter the vaginal canal when she is soft, wet, and open. When your pussy is TRULY ready for penetration, she will draw in the penis, crystal wand, toy, or finger. Nothing needs to be forced.
Recently, when I've gone to do a yoni de-armoring or self pleasure practice, I've been met with resistance. For some reason, my yoni was uncomfortable with penetration. Something felt off. To be completely honest, this made me really sad. I absolutely love finding pleasure, creativity, and spiritual bliss through my yoni. So I began asking myself, what practices can I do that will still allow me to experience a deeper connection with my pussy without penetration and I realized there are so, SO many beautiful ones! So here are some simple practices for your pussy when penetration is a "no".
Honoring Her Form
Did you know that the first religious symbol was that of the Goddess's Holy Vulva? In one of the first transcribed spiritual texts our ancient ancestors wrote of the Goddess Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth, "Behold! Her wondrous vulval!" Take sometime to honor your own wondrous vulva, and all of the vulva shapes around you!
Go for a walk in nature and find all the yoni portals around you. She exists in the trees, flowers, seashells, and rocks. When you go home, gaze at your own yoni in the mirror. See the nature that exists within you.
External Soft Touch & Massage
Softly touch or massage your low back, belly, womb, thighs, and hips. Slowly, you can move to your vulva. Many nerves from the clitoris and vagina exist throughout the pelvis so when we massage or softly touch this space we are connecting to our yoni's pleasure portals. If she gives you permission, expand this touch to your clitoris and breathe deeply into the sensations and emotions that arise.
The first time I ever steamed, I was blown away. It felt like the softest opening. It taught me how it really should feel when my yoni opens up to receive. Gather some herbs, a glass or stainless steel bowl, steaming water, some blankets or towels, and let yourself melt over the bowl as the steam kisses your vulva, yoni, and womb.
This might feel sensual, emotional, or deeply relaxing. Whatever you feel, let the emotion and sensations move through you. Sound out your breath and move your hips to welcome the herb medicine. Clients and friends of mine have used yoni steaming to help with period problems, to connect with their womanhood, and to release and heal past trauma from the womb and yoni. Learn more about yoni steaming.
Breathe & Move with Her
Take deep breaths into your yoni. As you inhale, feel your pelvic floor softening to create space for you breath. As you exhale, feel the return back to neutral. Breathe like this as you move. Try it in Pigeon, Cat/Cow, Child's Pose, Downward Dog. Dance! Circle your hips like you're making love to the universe. Breathe into your pussy and exhale with a sigh or moan.
How would you move if you moved from your pussy? If she was the one who lead each of your steps? How would you exercise if you kept her in mind? Would you lift heavy weights? Push your body to the brink of exhaustion? Or would you move slowly and intentionally? Would you find space to be a sexual creation in each of your movements? Give yourself permission to move in a way that makes your pussy happy.
Talk to Her
Just as we ask our hearts and wombs for guidance, so too can we ask our pussies. Ask her how she feels about what's going on in your body and your life. When something feels off in your yoni, ask her why. Listen to her as she tells you the secrets of how she wishes to be touched. Thank her for all the pleasure and wisdom she shares with you.
Talking to your pussy is the most simple and most important practice you can do. Learn her language. Communicate with her on a daily basis. You can do the same with your womb, your breasts, your heart, and your entire female body. Especially as women, our bodies hold so much wisdom. As you begin to communicate with her more and more, it will be revealed to you.
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